a********a
发帖数: 3176 | 1 一个第一代移民的孩子的角度:
When I read Amy Chua's article on the WSJ a few days ago, I was appalled
that the public's response was so divided. Many people seemed to actually
acknowledge her style of parenting as superior, admiring her for all the
effort she has put into raising her children and for their accomplishments
at such a young age. As I mulled over the article and the various responses
to it on my Facebook wall and other online news sources and blogs, I
decided to write a response from a different perspective.
I am a 24 year-old female who was raised by first-generation Chinese parents
. After majoring in Computer Science at Princeton, I moved to California to
work at Google. After two years, I left to work for myself, and recently
joined a small startup in Palo Alto. Whether or not I am considered a
success by Asian parents, I am not sure (probably up until the leaving
Google part), but I can say with certainty that I am happy with my life. My
parents were certainly influenced by Chinese traditions, but they
thankfully they did not socialize with that many Asian families, and I was
mostly spared the experience Amy Chua describes. Some parts stay with me
though. My parents, like most Asian parents, were always critical about
physical appearance and weight, and though "well-intentioned," the criticism
always stung. Amy says that the kids don't take it personally, but I know
that I did, and will always remember those occasions when they were too
strict or too critical.
I have seen many Asian families who raised their kids like Amy Chua. These
kids skip grades (not one but two), compete in piano competitions, are made
to study for the SATs everyday as a freshman, the list goes on and on.
Their parents justify their methods by bragging off-handedly to other Asian
parents about their kids' accomplishments, mutually confirming that this
arbitrary formula is, indeed, the path to success. In reality they are just
molding all their kids to look exactly the same on paper. Math
competitions, high SAT scores, perfect GPA, valedictorian, 1st place in
piano competitions...how many of these resumes do you think college
admissions officers see roll in every fall? And then when they don't get
into top-tier universities, Asians complain that schools discriminate
against Asian students, that they are more qualified than many of the non-
Asians getting into the schools. And ironically, despite the emphasis on
music at a young age, most asian parents I know would be pretty upset if
their children wanted to major in music and become a professional musician.
Most of my Asian classmates strived for good grades (it was expected of them
) and got them, but to them, school was a compartmentalized aspect of their
life in which good grades were the sole objective. Despite my own
upbringing, where I was encouraged but not pushed forcefully by my
thankfully not-too-stereotypical Chinese parents, I too strove for good
grades, but stopped when I got the A. Even though I really enjoyed some
subjects, I never actively pursued any "school-related" projects on my own
through high school and college. In sharp contrast, one of best friends
would routinely delve deeper into subjects he found fascinating, teaching
himself IPA (International Phonetic Alphabet) when he discovered a love for
linguistics, and spending one of his free periods doing physics independent
study. My husband, who is Caucasian, has an intense love for math and
programming that I deeply admire. His parents never made him do math drills
, yet he recently worked every night on a math paper that was accepted by a
prestigious publication, and is working on a math puzzle book to share his
love of math with more people. I, on the other hand, have personally
struggled with finding something that I am as passionate about. I honestly
hope that our future children's attitude toward learning is more like that
of my husband than my own.
Chinese parents who demand the highest grades from their children at any
cost are sadly doing them a great disservice. While it may result in short-
term "success," that mentality makes it incredibly difficult for them to
find something they really love.
Amy Chua's kids are still young. They still have much of high school and
college left, not to mention the rest of their lives. While I wish them the
best, I cannot help but think of Chinese classmates who had stereotypically
strict parents, but partied too hard in college and haven't really found
anything they find fulfilling. I truly believe that many in my generation
of ABCs (American born Chinese) lack drive--with parents that watch them do
their homework and write their college application essays, they never had to
make any hard decisions for themselves. Many are too cautious to take big
risks, and instead find themselves stuck in unsatisfying jobs. While trying
to give them an academic advantage, these parents are really stunting their
personal and social development. Good grades, hard work and discipline can
get you far in life, but it that's all you have and you lack social skills
and initiative, you are sorely limited in what you can do.
First generation immigrants want the best for their children, as do all
parents, but they really are not that qualified to judge what will lead to a
successful and fulfilling life in the United States. Their narrow-minded
formula for success (great grades, ivy league, medical school, high paying
job) may work for some, but it alienates those who might find success
elsewhere. Many highly successful and happy people have gotten to where
they are by leaving a stable job to try to start their own company, pursuing
a career in the performing arts, or majoring in something other than
science, math or engineering, yet all these would be highly discouraged by
most Asian parents. When I have children of my own, I hope I will be able
to stress the importance of education while they are young, but allow them
the freedom to make decisions and mistakes for themselves. | i**e
发帖数: 19242 | | a********a
发帖数: 3176 | 3 是啊, 前后脚 - 怪我没仔细看下别人的帖.
【在 i**e 的大作中提到】
: 奥，咱们转了同样的blog
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