o****o
发帖数: 379 | 1 还坚持爱对方到底，绝不主动提出离婚。这样道德吗？ | B**T
发帖数: 294 | 2 那要看上帝是否让他下地狱，如果上帝依旧让他上天堂，该牧师的老婆还是要爱他的，
所谓爱上帝以及他的臣子（有成语爱屋及乌）
【在 o****o 的大作中提到】
: 还坚持爱对方到底，绝不主动提出离婚。这样道德吗？
| J*******g
发帖数: 8775 | 3 最好先确定是同性恋还是双性恋。感觉同性恋也是可以有好的家庭的，虽然可能要费一
番周折。最近看了个电影是讲这个的（Happy, happy (2010）)IMDB 6.5。
【在 o****o 的大作中提到】
: 还坚持爱对方到底，绝不主动提出离婚。这样道德吗？
| t*******r
发帖数: 2940 | 4 我在教会理曾经听到一种教导：婚姻是追求holiness not happiness, 有人同意吗？
【在 J*******g 的大作中提到】
: 最好先确定是同性恋还是双性恋。感觉同性恋也是可以有好的家庭的，虽然可能要费一
: 番周折。最近看了个电影是讲这个的（Happy, happy (2010）)IMDB 6.5。
| n********n
发帖数: 8336 | 5 转一篇长文
Marriage Is for Holiness, Not Just Happiness
Neither of us "needed" to get married. Both of us were independent and for
the most part, content in our singleness. Paul dreamed of living alone on a
boat off the coast of Newport Beach, California; Halee had plans to travel
the world teaching English overseas. Yet there we were, barefoot on a sandy
beach outside Santa Barbara, making our vows to the sound of rushing waves
crashing on the shore.
Make no mistake, we were (and still are) head over heels for one another,
but neither of us needed marriage to make us happy because we were already
happy in our singleness. We understood—even then—that our marriage was
ultimately more about our moral development than personal satisfaction and
contentment. And that day, we washed each other's feet in the surf to
symbolize our commitment to serve each other to that end.
For most of human history and in most societies, the goal of marriage was to
provide economic security through family alliances and to serve as a
context for procreation. To marry for personal happiness (or love) was
considered a selfish act that disregarded the needs of the broader community
. It wasn't until the 12th century that the troubadours (a group of
traveling poets) introduced the concept of courtly love as we know it today.
Still other groups have emphasized the spiritual goals of marriage. The
Catholic church believes marriage is a sacrament because the relationship
between husband and wife represents the union of Christ to his bride,
believers. In 1930, Pope Pius XI proposed that the primary purpose for
Christian marriage was not procreation or sacrament, but to serve as a
context for moral development. He writes, "This mutual molding of [spouses],
this determined effort to perfect each other, can in a very real sense, as
the Roman Catechism teaches, be said to be the chief reason and purpose of
matrimony."
The trouble—even for contemporary Christians—is that we often approach
marital issues in an individualistic way. In the cornucopia of Christian
marriage self-help books, the guiding questions seem to be along the lines
of "What can I get out of this?" or "How can I cope in this marriage?"
rather than "What are we forging together?" or "How can our marriage make us
each more like Christ?" It's not that God doesn't want our marriages to
bring us deep satisfaction and happiness, it's just that marriage is
bursting with opportunities for deeper spiritual growth—opportunities we
may be missing if we're not asking all the right questions.
But what do these opportunities look like in everyday life? How exactly can
marriage make us more holy? Here are a few small, specific ways God has used
marriage to carve virtue into our character.
Prudence. Often translated "wisdom," the word prudence comes from the word
providence, which means "to see ahead." I (Halee) can be candid to a fault.
I've always had a knack for saying exactly what I think at the very moment I
think it—regardless of the impact it has on the hearer. Early in life I'd
seen how damaging it was to bury emotions, so in an effort to avoid that
mistake, I made the equal and opposite error of expressing myself without a
great deal of forethought.
But when we married, I noticed that my honesty was more divisive than it was
beneficial to our marriage. I saw the impact my words had upon Paul, and I
started to pay attention to how he communicated with me and with others.
Paul knew what to say and the right moment to say it. He spoke thoughtfully,
ensuring that his words contributed to the well-being of others. The truth
didn't always have to be painful.
Because of his daily influence, I've learned how to be more tactful in the
way I say things. It was a difficult transition, especially in the beginning
. During this period, Paul taught me his "three-day rule." When I was
tempted to respond to someone quickly and brashly, I took three days to
think it through and pray. Eventually, I didn't need to practice the three-
day rule in order to exercise prudence in my daily interactions with Paul
and others. I was able to "see ahead" and discern what words would best
build up the other person.
Courage. C.S. Lewis called courage "the form of every virtue at the testing
point." Courage isn't the absence of fear as much as it is the willingness
to move forward despite fear. Throughout our marriage, I (Paul) have seen
Halee demonstrate courage over and over. She applied (and was hired) for
jobs I thought she needed more experience for. She speaks regularly in front
of hundreds of people even though she's terrified of public speaking. The
night our daughter was born, I caught her crying for a single minute (when
she thought I wasn't looking) as the labor pains intensified. She went on to
brave 16 hours of labor to bring our daughter into the world.
I don't like to get out of my comfort zone, but seeing Halee exercise
courage over the years gave me the courage to quit my job in the middle of
the recession. I'd been working for the company for 14 years, and I'd known
God was calling me to leave the company for a long time, but I couldn't
imagine leaving after all the years I'd put into the company. I was afraid,
wondering how I would be able to provide for my family. But eventually, I
did quit and moved into the work that God had called me to.
Temperance. St. Augustine wrote, "Complete abstinence is easier than perfect
moderation." Temperance is the ability to practice moderation in action,
thought, or feeling. I (Halee) have never been good at moderation; I always
seem to operate in extremes, whether in work or play. It wasn't enough to
have one job while going to school when I had time enough for two (or three)
. It wasn't enough to run three miles when my daily goal was five. It wasn't
adequate to pick up the clutter around the house when the floors needed to
be mopped and the baseboards scrubbed.
It wasn't long into our marriage when I discovered Paul didn't share this "
value." He was a diligent worker, but he didn't feel compelled to put in
excessively long hours. When we took the same course in graduate school, he
was content with an A- (or even a B+!) while I sweated it out for an A+.
When he cleaned the house, he didn't always dust or mop or polish the
leather couches. When we climbed mountains, he didn't need to go to the top
—he was content with going halfway. For him, it wasn't so much about the
destination as it was the journey along the way.
Believe it or not, this difference in our approaches to things was one of
the biggest sources of conflict in our marriage. But more often than not,
his temperate approach was the better way, and even if it doesn't always
come naturally, I've learned to practice moderation in various areas of my
life.
Charity. Charity is the highest, the most important of the three theological
virtues (faith, hope, charity). Charity is agape love, unconditional, self-
sacrificing love. Thomas Aquinas describes it as "the most excellent of
virtues … the habit of charity extends not only to the love of God, but
also to the love of our neighbor." A mistake many people make in marriage is
fighting for their "rights" when charity—or love—requires that we lay
down our "rights" for God or for the sake of others.
For example, guys sometimes think they have a "right" to their own space or
their own time (like a night out with the guys), but I (Paul) realized that
the perceived "rights" I had were really selfish aspects of my character
that God wanted to change through our marriage. When I surrendered my rights
—like cutting short a night out with friends to take care of Halee when I
knew she'd had a long day at school or work—I became more diligent,
motivated, and sensitive to others' needs.
Marriage provides a daily context for spiritual growth because it gives us
opportunities to put away sinful tendencies and practice more virtuous
behaviors. The Roman lyric poet Horace wrote, "To flee vice is the beginning
of virtue." Every action we take has a consequence for our character. Our
actions become habits and habits, like grooves on a well-worn path, become
our character.
http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2013/february/marr
【在 t*******r 的大作中提到】
: 我在教会理曾经听到一种教导：婚姻是追求holiness not happiness, 有人同意吗？
| t*******d
发帖数: 2570 | 6 那得看配偶是怎么想的，当初为什么会结婚，现在想不想继续，想从婚姻中得到什么。
婚姻是两个人的事，一厢情愿有什么用。
【在 o****o 的大作中提到】
: 还坚持爱对方到底，绝不主动提出离婚。这样道德吗？
| J*******g
发帖数: 8775 | 7 我认为holiness跟happiness不矛盾。
显然在美国基督徒在离婚率上跟非基督徒不相上下。
【在 t*******r 的大作中提到】
: 我在教会理曾经听到一种教导：婚姻是追求holiness not happiness, 有人同意吗？
| m*1
发帖数: 1997 | 8 美国人好像亚裔的离婚率比较低。
哈，现在淫乱的情形有愈演愈烈的趋势。 | B**T
发帖数: 294 | 9 我觉得矛盾：
如果基于 非基不相上下的论据 数量上的论证：很多我认识的华人都是先结婚后入教的
，所以他们也是happiness在先。倒是有几对声称基督徒必须找基督徒，为数较少。
【在 J*******g 的大作中提到】
: 我认为holiness跟happiness不矛盾。
: 显然在美国基督徒在离婚率上跟非基督徒不相上下。
| E*****m
发帖数: 25615 | | E*****m
发帖数: 25615 | 11
愛對方不等於不離婚
【在 o****o 的大作中提到】
: 还坚持爱对方到底，绝不主动提出离婚。这样道德吗？
| l*****a
发帖数: 38403 | 12 我怎么记得无神论的离婚率比基督徒要低得多，并且基督徒里面福音派的离婚率最高
【在 J*******g 的大作中提到】
: 我认为holiness跟happiness不矛盾。
: 显然在美国基督徒在离婚率上跟非基督徒不相上下。
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