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w********e
发帖数: 8594 | 1 http://www.rd.com/funny-stuff/clever-jokes/
1. René Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Would you like
a beer?” Descartes replies, “I think not,” and promptly disappears.
2. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. No joke.
3. This sentence contains exactly threeee erors.
4. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers
? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
5. A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one
breast and one testicle.
6. A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he
has any luggage. The photon says, “No, I’m traveling light.”
7. What did the DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look
fat?”
8. Your mama is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.
9. C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar. The bartender shows them the door
and says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
Oh, man! A hyperbole totally ripped into this bar and destroyed everything!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, to whom.
Q: How do mathematicians scold their children?
A: “If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times …”
A mathematician wanders back home at 3 a.m. and proceeds to get an earful
from his wife.
“You’re late!” she yells. “You said you’d be home by 11:45!”
“Actually,” the mathematician replies coolly, “I said I’d be home by a
quarter of 12.”
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was, “Bach, Bach,
Bach …”
And his cows preferred Moo-zak.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
Q: What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
A: BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA!
The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.” A time
traveler walks into a bar.
Did you hear about the suicidal homeopath? He took 1/50th of the recommended
dose.
A ship, sailing past a remote island, spots a man who has been stranded
there for several years. The captain goes ashore to rescue the man and
notices three huts.
“What’s the first hut for?” he asks.
“That’s my house,” says the castaway.
“What’s the second hut for?”
“That’s my church.”
“And the third hut?”
“Oh, that?” sniffs the castaway. “That’s the church I used to go to.”
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with
everything.”
A man is talking to God. “God, how long is a million years?”
God answers, “To me, it’s about a minute.”
“God, how much is a million dollars?”
“To me, it’s a penny.”
“God, may I have a penny?”
“Wait a minute.”
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.
A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, “Dry?”
The German replies, “Nein, just one.”
“Drei”—pronounced “dry”—is German for “three”. “Nein”—pronounced
“nine”—is German for “No”. “Dieser Witz stinkt” is German for “This
joke stinks.”
Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher
Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro? They can never seem to beat
the Straights of Magellan.
When his fellow explorers found Magellan hiding an Ace up his sleeve, they
sent him packing to southern Chile toward the Straits of Magellan. | A******u
发帖数: 1279 | |
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